Dear Subway Sandwiches, I know it must be hard being the bastard child of a real sandwich shop, and for that, I am willing to cut you a little slack. It’s just that lately, I think you have totally forgotten how to make a sandwich.

1) Mayonnaise is a fat, fats repel liquids.
2) Bread is a carbohydrate, carbohydrates act much like a sponge.
3) I hate soggy sandwiches.

Mayonnaise is not just and item that was haphazardly chosen to adorn most sandwiches, it was chosen for a damn good reason. Evenly spread on both sides of the bread, it will prevent any juice or other liquids from sogging up your bread. As an added bonus, it tastes pretty good as well.

Why is it that over the last few years you have phased this idea out? It seems more like you want to treat a sandwich as a toothbrush, and squirt your mayo-paste right on top. Seriously, I thin bead of mayo that looks like caulk is no way to evenly ratio out a sandwich.

And the most insulting thing about all this, there is nothing anyone can do. I personally have complained to the workers, who can not speak a single word of English, and they do nothing. Perhaps if I make a 10 minute ordeal out of it, they will finally get it, but for craps sake, hire at least one English speaking person to work the counter area.

You are a disgrace to the sandwich, don’t be mad when you see Quiznos giving you a big huge bitch slap, hell, you deserve it for copying them on the toasted bread deal anyway.

Love Jared