A while back, there was this female blogger whose vagina was used so infrequently, it crusted over and sealed shut. No longer able to get dicked, she became bitter and fragile, turning her attention to blogging about marketing.

I don’t know all of the details, but a quick summary would be, readers disagreed with her writing. This is often the case when you put your opinions online, and Kathy Sierra freaked out when those disagreements got a little hostile. If you are going to make yourself a public figure, be prepared for anything and everything, otherwise, blog anonymously.

Apparently these readers got under her skin to the degree her vagina cracked open just enough to let out one hell of a stench. The inter-media picked up on this, made a huge deal out of it, and here we are today, with Tim O’Reilly creating a code of conduct on how bloggers should behave. It is an undeniable fact, blogging is popular because some of the very first blogs to get popular were either funny, racy, controversial, or otherwise, anything but professional.

Bloggers, here are the new rules, join the communist blogging party, where all blogs are the same…

This is apparently a first draft, I say, give up:

We celebrate the blogosphere because it embraces frank and open conversation. But frankness does not have to mean lack of civility. We present this Blogger Code of Conduct in hopes that it helps create a culture that encourages both personal expression and constructive conversation.

1. We take responsibility for our own words and for the comments we allow on our blog.
We are committed to the “Civility Enforced” standard: we will not post unacceptable content, and we’ll delete comments that contain it.

He can not even start out in a non fucked up way, who defines “unacceptable content”? Who defines what comments are worthy of deletion?

Oh, I see, “we” define it, and they explain it.

We define unacceptable content as anything included or linked to that:
- is being used to abuse, harass, stalk, or threaten others
- is libelous, knowingly false, ad-hominem, or misrepresents another person,
- infringes upon a copyright or trademark
- violates an obligation of confidentiality
- violates the privacy of others

Well, better close myspace down, cause it’s sole purpose is stalking. You can pick apart every single one of those bullet points, with perfectly valid reasons for creating such a post. Every political blog out there speaks harshly about their opposite party, but fuck, for the sake of just getting along, let’s shut them all up.

We define and determine what is “unacceptable content” on a case-by-case basis, and our definitions are not limited to this list. If we delete a comment or link, we will say so and explain why. [We reserve the right to change these standards at any time with no notice.]

Transltion: If you don’t agree with me, don’t bother posting, commenting, or contacting me.

2. We won’t say anything online that we wouldn’t say in person.

Are you kidding, that’s the whole reason I started this blog, so I could talk about the shit I can not say in person. For example, I would not walk up to Tim O. and tell him to fuck off, but here, on my blog, I can freely say, Tim, FUCK OFF!

3. We connect privately before we respond publicly.

Screw this as well. Look at what is popular these days. Outing someone in the public or with the help of the public moves up pretty quick on the social linking sites.

When we encounter conflicts and misrepresentation in the blogosphere, we make every effort to talk privately and directly to the person(s) involved–or find an intermediary who can do so–before we publish any posts or comments about the issue.

First of all, you used the word blogosphere, you are gay. Second of all, do you really think anyone has the time or inclination to find an intermediary. It is so much easier to just reply to the comment. They posted publicly, you can reply publicly.

4. When we believe someone is unfairly attacking another, we take action.
When someone who is publishing comments or blog postings that are offensive, we’ll tell them so (privately, if possible–see above) and ask them to publicly make amends.
If those published comments could be construed as a threat, and the perpetrator doesn’t withdraw them and apologize, we will cooperate with law enforcement to protect the target of the threat.

Contacting the cops about a blog, yeah, sure, they are going to give two shits. The cops would read your commie propaganda, lock you in a room, and drop their new Patriot Act on you. I used to hate the wide-sweeping power the Patriot Act gave enforcement. Morons like you make it clear how needed these laws are.

5. We do not allow anonymous comments.
We require commenters to supply a valid email address before they can post, though we allow commenters to identify themselves with an alias, rather than their real name.

Oh yeah, cause a valid email address is so hard to fake. Most of the internet has learned x@x.com by now. If you want to open your blog to anonymous comments, why the hell not? If you enforce a strict policy, people will just fake it.

6. We ignore the trolls.
We prefer not to respond to nasty comments about us or our blog, as long as they don’t veer into abuse or libel. We believe that feeding the trolls only encourages them–”Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it.” Ignoring public attacks is often the best way to contain them.

Good plan, though contradictory. How do you know a troll from one of those libelous, abusive jokesters that actually make reading some blogs worthwhile? At least if you stick by step 6, I don’t have to worry about you bothering me.

These steps are a waste of time, and a ruin on the internet. Six steps to taking the fun and freedom out of the blogging community… ehm, blogosphere I mean. You suck, and thats fine, just keep it to yourself, there is no need to push your commie agenda on the rest of the bloggers. I would be surprised if anyone other than google image search picks up on your stupidity badge you made.